SQUIDWARD: Have I told you how beautiful you are?
Your tentacles, your nose, your eyes...?
are a little lopsided.
There.
Ah.
And now that I've been immortalized in wax,
l have conquered all artistic media.
Come on, my precious reflection, smile.
( crash )
Hike, Patrick, hike!
( SpongeBob groaning )
You just lost three points.
One...
two...
five.
G-7!
G-7?
King me, king me!
I lose!
But it's not Tuesday, Patrick.
Tartar sauce!
SQUIDWARD: Hey!
What are you invertebrates doing?
We don't know. We don't know.
Hey, Patrick, do you know what time it is?
Uh, yeah, Squidward.
It's...
Time to find some other game to play.
( laughing )
( humming happily )
( old-time music playing )
Ah!
Now what?
We could toss that shell back and forth.
Okay!
Ready!
Go!
I got it, I got it.
I got it, I got it, I got it!
( statue thumps on floor ) Huh?
( mumbling )
Remember, Patrick, finders keepers.
There it is!
I got it! I got it! l got it! I got it!
Bonus points.
Uh, Patrick?
I think something's wrong with Squidward.
He looks unconscious.
Don't worry.
I know how to do this.
( inhaling deeply )
( breath squeaking out )
( inhaling again )
( sputtering like deflating balloon )
Get off him, Patrick!
What are you worried about?
He looks better already.
But he still feels cold.
Well, let's go put him in the warm.
Do you think he'll be okay?
You know, you worry too much.
The Patrick is here,
and SpongeBob, I know a lot
about head injuries, believe...
( snaps fingers )
...me.
Hey, what's that on your shoe?
I don't know.
It kind of looks like...
Squidward! Squidward!
( both yelling )
SPONGEBOB: Get him off me!
Go away, go away!
( humming contentedly as music continues playing )
No, no, that part goes here.
Oh, yeah... yeah, th-that's it, uh-huh.
We're almost there. It's working.
We can do this. There. Uh-huh, it's working, it's working.
This is working. This is working.
Patrick, this isn't working!
Look!
I don't know how to say it,
but our old pal Squidward, he's... he's...
he's pushing up daisies.
Oh, I thought he was dead.
( door squeaks )
( yells )
( screams )
What are you doing here?!
( teeth chattering )
No! no!
Well, are you two going to say something,
or do I have to...?
No, stay back!
What is the matter with you two?
Don't! Don't hurt us!
( sobbing ): It was an accident.
What are you two talking about?
( splat )
( screams )
Look what you've done to me!
Oh! When I get my hands on you, I'll...
SPONGEBOB: Please, Mr. Squidward ghost.
Spare us your ghostly anger!
( kissing )
Oh, yes, Mr. Squidward's ghost!
Please don't haunt us.
We'll do anything you want.
Just have mercy on us!
( menacingly ): Enough.
Listen up!
Squidward's ghost is feeling
unusually generous today.
He hath decided
to spare ye a horrible fate.
( hissing )
All ye must do
is tend to my every whim
and tickle my fancy on demand.
Does that include...?
Quiet!
Now, do as you're told,
lest ye incur the wrath of Squidward!
I think they make
a cream for that now.
( panting and groaning )
Here?
Too hot.
( huffing and puffing )
Here?
No, too wet.
Keep going.
Here?
Too loose, Lautrec.
( rimshot )
Too... tired...
Perfect.
Hmm, I feel... needy.
Slaves, fetcheth me some nourishment.
Only the freshest, o spooky one.
A grape fresh from the vine, Your Ghostliness.
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
A banana peeled to your liking,
Your Incorporialness.
Mmm...
( gulps )
One watermelon...
D'oh!
...fresh from the manure field,
Your Spookiness.
Art thou not pleased?
( spitting, sputtering )
Enough of that!
I want something else to eat now.
Something that's very difficult to find.
What do you hunger for, Master?
Whatever you want, we'll find it.
We'll find it!
Cherry pie.
Where'd you get that?
I found it.
Well, go find it again!
SpongeBob, get over here.
Now spin around.
That's better.
Now jog in place.
Say "flank steak."
Flank steak.
I think I'm beginning to like this.
Stop.
( feet squeal )
Now play me an elaborate song
with this!
But... this is just a piece of tissue paper.
Oh, my!
Always have to have it our way, don't we?
Oh, boo-hoo.
( tries to play song )
I can't do it!
Well, I hope you don't have
any plans tonight
because you're not allowed to leave that spot
till I hear a song.
( crickets chirping )
( rooster crows )
SQUIDWARD: What's this?
Napping on the job?
You're supposed to be making music for me.
As punishment for this insolence,
Squidward's ghost commandeth you
to clean out his back room.
I found it.
I'll take that.
Yes, Your Ghostliness.
( slurps )
This is fun.
Patrick, are you ready for this?
PATRICK: Yes.
Okay, let's go.
Patrick, are you coming?
Yes.
Patrick, it's this way.
Where?
Here.
Oh! Coming!
How are we going to clean up
all this mess?
It's easy.
Just tear this wallpaper off.
( guffaws )
Oh, look, you missed some.
Oh, let's see.
It's a comic book, and look at this...
it's the origin of the Flying Dutchman.
It says when he died,
they used his body as a window display.
Now he haunts the seven seas
because he was never put to rest.
Well, don't you get it, Patrick?
We're going to go shopping?
No! We're going
to put poor old Squidward to rest.
Ow! What the heck was that?
Initiation.
( giggles )
That was part one of your ceremony.
Ceremony for what?
We're going to put you to rest.
I don't want to be put to rest!
All I want are those chores done.
Now, did you clean the back room yet?
Yeah.
Oh, really?
I'm going to go check.
( screams )
Okay, get in.
Are you crazy?
I'm not getting in that thing.
But you said we could put you to rest.
I didn't say anything like that.
Now, get out of my house!
Okay.
( door closes )
( sighs )
Now what?
I wrote, "Here lies Squidward."
You may not remember him, but he..."
( screams )
Oh, hi, Squidward.
Does this look deep enough?
SpongeBob, cut that out!
SPONGEBOB: Oh, look, the mourners have arrived.
Oh, Squidward, we all came
as soon as we were sure you were dead.
SpongeBob, are you trying to put me
in the nuthouse?
No, just into this hole.
( groaning )
( sighs )
SpongeBob, I have a confession to make.
( squeals )
You're bald?
No, I'm not bald!
I'm alive!
Now, get rid of that tombstone
and tell all your friends to go home.
But... Do it!
Go home.
( all grumbling )
But I...
Master...
I'm not your master.
I'm your neighbor.
Now, do me a favor
and stop doing me favors!
As you wish, Master.
SQUIDWARD: D'oh!
Boy, he really had us fooled.
No, Patrick, he's the fool.
He's a ghost in denial.
He needs us now more than ever.
You're right.
He really needs to get up to the great beyond.
Patrick, say that again.
That again.
No, the other thing.
No, what you said before when...
Never mind!
I've got an idea.
Never mind, I've got an idea.
( soft exhaling )
SPONGEBOB ( whispering ): I can't reach him.
PATRICK: Blow harder.
( SpongeBob exhaling again )
PATRICK: There he goes!
( sniffles )
Isn't he beautiful?
How high's he going to go?
All the way, Patrick, up to the great beyond.
( sniffles )
Good-bye, friend.
Happy trails!
( yelling angrily )
You're welcome! You're welcome!
He's on the other side now.
Yeah.
He's in a better place.
( sighing )